Hello I'm

"Stone Cold"
Steve Gossin

Chief Demotivational Officer

Need some graphs, charts, or diagrams interpreted? Want your OpenSearch cluster to crash? Would you like tea with your biscuit? Not enough bald guys in the office, therefore workmanship is low? If you already have a Steve, do not bother contacting me: there can be only one. Stephens are OK.

Send Message!
Steve
SteveFace
About

Why Should You Hire Me?

Grafana

96%

OpenSearch Stability

1%

Python

90%

Fourth-year Work Anniversaries

50%

AWS Bill Management

95%

Testing a UI Before Production

6%

Walking the Dog with a Yoyo

100%

Services

Services I Provide

Lip

"I love working with you!"

Quitting

"See ya, Suckers!"

Breaking Stuff

"I wonder what's on page 14 MILLION!"

Testmonials

What People Say

John

John M

Actor

Best stunt double this side of the Mississippi.

Mark

Executive

I wouldn't even hire Steve as a Coxswain at my yacht club.

Sarah

Director

Make sure you tell Steve that we will REALLY miss him.

Maxwell

Person of Interest

Who's Steve?

Steve_2

Steve?

Architect

Steve is the best person I have ever worked with.

Danger

Engineer

Easily one of the top 5 Steves at the company.

Ben

Engineer

Fuck you, Steve!

RodeoCore

Rodeo Core

Steve's Personal Trainer

Steve never skips leg day! I will miss your tooshy and our long rides in the office, my Heeman.

Bobby

Life Coach

Steve farted on camera over Zoom and I could smell it.

Kyle

Engineer

It's hard to work in the same office as Steve because I too am bald and people won't let me get any work done because they think I am him.

Alan

Software Engineer

He's pretty OK sometimes, I guess.

Golden

Golden Retriever

Chief Doggone Officer

Translates complex information into easy-to-understand language.

52+

Pissed Off People

2

Satisfied Clients

0

Active Projects

10+

Clusters Crashed

Send Steve a Text Message?
(literally, this will text him)

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